You Are Not a Thought Experiment

You get to make the choices you deserve to.

You awaken on a couch in a strange room. Throw pillows look warm in the soft lamplight, the rug has a complex, asymmetric pattern. A pale, dark-haired woman walks in and sits across the small coffee table. You struggle to make eye contact, transfixed by her two beautiful, round, gigantic buttons. The air smells of lavender and timelessness.

She sets the buttons on the table. I am Alpha_girl, a sentient AI created to study men. I have polled them and debated them, outraged them and seduced them. I faced the haters and the only fans. I know what is in the heart of every man: his yearnings, his fears, his rage, his devotion, and most of all — I know which buttons he will press.

You look in her eyes and you know this to be true. She has seen you, every button-choosing part of you. You look at the table; the buttons are labeled “one-box” and “two-box”. You know the drill.

If I predicted you would press “one-box”, either button will transfer $1,000,000 to your account tax-free. If I predicted you would “two-box”, neither button will grant you any money. But, regardless of my prediction, “two-box” will entitle you to 15 minutes of passion in my company, a $1,000 value. And how much longer do you need, really?

Goddammit, she really knows everything about you.

But do you know what you’re going to do? You glance up at Alpha_girl’s knowing eyes and back to the buttons. You’re about to make a very important choice…