I was at a bar a few weeks ago and this very cute guy walked in. We made eye contact and we smiled at each other. 10 minutes later I peered over my shoulder and smiled at him again, which was my invitation for him to approach me. It worked.
I think the art of dating has changed so much that people don’t know the cues. But I really appreciate when a man approaches me and makes an effort even if I’m not into him. It takes courage and guts.
I think this just needs an addendum that not only are there no referees in the modern game, a lot of background details are different too. The vast majority of people aren't at risk of starvation. Most of the time, risk of violence is quite low. Travel is easy. Social groups are often largee but not intimate. The number of people living in your community is even larger and even less intimate.
This means what role gives the best outcomes is different from the ancestral environment, or even still the traditional cultural environment. The risk of severe consequences for mistakes is vastly lower. The expected value of talking to lots of people is vastly higher. Expending resources on planning a nice date is worth it, since you don't need those resources to not starve.
That’s my favourite one so far, on par with “how to flirt”! Sometimes it’s hard to see what exactly you’re trying to say, but here it’s very clear and resonant and sort of applicable. Thanks, Jacob!
Did a bunch of improv all through high school and was apparently pretty good at it despite being at the nadir of my social incapability--ended up cast in every show we did through my entire high school run. Ended up being useful over a decade later navigating customer service when it finally clicked for me that it was the same thing, wrote a bunch on it into my retail pharmacy explainer in the updated version. "Yes, and" is maybe the one-weird-trickiest thing of all time.
(Took MMOs in college to cure me of social awkwardness, had my first proper romantic relationships over FFXI.)
Hah, was working on part of a draft piece thinking on past relationships and was just getting to the FFXI part when I got this notification. They make interesting stories but I'm not sure I actually have a whole lot to actually say about it that's unique compared to the experience most people have waffling around with relationships in high school or anywhere else: long distances are rough, avoid bipolar chicks, things get weird when there's rare loot involved.
I think I recently understood the idea of Yes And. The key for a people pleaser like myself isn’t the accepting Yes, which is already done naturally. It’s the And, which means to add more energy/depth/fun/humor/interest, but according to Your perspective, not theirs. That’s what makes it collaborative mutual enjoyment.
This is my favorite article so far.
I enjoy the analogy of dating is like improv.
I was at a bar a few weeks ago and this very cute guy walked in. We made eye contact and we smiled at each other. 10 minutes later I peered over my shoulder and smiled at him again, which was my invitation for him to approach me. It worked.
I think the art of dating has changed so much that people don’t know the cues. But I really appreciate when a man approaches me and makes an effort even if I’m not into him. It takes courage and guts.
I think this just needs an addendum that not only are there no referees in the modern game, a lot of background details are different too. The vast majority of people aren't at risk of starvation. Most of the time, risk of violence is quite low. Travel is easy. Social groups are often largee but not intimate. The number of people living in your community is even larger and even less intimate.
This means what role gives the best outcomes is different from the ancestral environment, or even still the traditional cultural environment. The risk of severe consequences for mistakes is vastly lower. The expected value of talking to lots of people is vastly higher. Expending resources on planning a nice date is worth it, since you don't need those resources to not starve.
That’s my favourite one so far, on par with “how to flirt”! Sometimes it’s hard to see what exactly you’re trying to say, but here it’s very clear and resonant and sort of applicable. Thanks, Jacob!
Did a bunch of improv all through high school and was apparently pretty good at it despite being at the nadir of my social incapability--ended up cast in every show we did through my entire high school run. Ended up being useful over a decade later navigating customer service when it finally clicked for me that it was the same thing, wrote a bunch on it into my retail pharmacy explainer in the updated version. "Yes, and" is maybe the one-weird-trickiest thing of all time.
(Took MMOs in college to cure me of social awkwardness, had my first proper romantic relationships over FFXI.)
You should write a post "everything I know about dating I learned from JRPGs".
Hah, was working on part of a draft piece thinking on past relationships and was just getting to the FFXI part when I got this notification. They make interesting stories but I'm not sure I actually have a whole lot to actually say about it that's unique compared to the experience most people have waffling around with relationships in high school or anywhere else: long distances are rough, avoid bipolar chicks, things get weird when there's rare loot involved.
I think I recently understood the idea of Yes And. The key for a people pleaser like myself isn’t the accepting Yes, which is already done naturally. It’s the And, which means to add more energy/depth/fun/humor/interest, but according to Your perspective, not theirs. That’s what makes it collaborative mutual enjoyment.